Who should pay the bill ?

who should pay on dates ?

Four rules for a successful dinner in Japan

When you leave the restaurant, you want to look your woman like a man, not like a loser.

In Japan, more often guys are confused with weather paying or not the bill for dinner and trust my word, when it’s time to pay, her eyes can become very convincing. You MUST make the difference between the princess girl’s type and the good one.

You have been trough this and we all at least once if not more.

Let say, you go dinner with a friend or a potential date. How do you know if you should pay or you guys should share the bills ? Everything is very expensive here in Japan so it’s important to be aware for your own budget. Not that you are cheap with the wallet but you probably don’t want to throw money to garbage. I use the strong word “throw” because some girls will never see you again even if you pay so please consider.

There are very good ladies but some are just jumping men to men like a bee and they don’t even know the value of a penny (yen).

Let’s cover all possible situation to make you look good !


Dinner with a friend:

That one is very easy because you guys are good friend and both of you are working hard for the money. Normally, unless you like her more than just liking someone, you guys should share the bill, lunch/dinner … Even for the movie theater, always share.

So you might wonder why never pay to show your good manners ?

Simple answer, if you really like your friend and wish to keep her as a pure friend, do not create this sexy protective gentlemen feeling that is about paying the bill. When you pay, you might even create some sort of discomfort to her. So just share the bill and this act will just keep the relation purely friendly.

Dinner with a date:

Ah, this one is very important !

Gentlemen’s rule #1.

Always pay the bill !

And be romantic …

Rules #2, a big, however !

When the dinner start, you must become a James bond mixed with a real casanova !

Why, because you don’t want to lose time and money.

And time is very precious. Listen at her, look at her attitude, see if she keeps bragging about her clothes or what ever she has. You need to make sure she is there for you and not for the green stuff. Follow your instinct and you will go winner !

Why should you pay ?

Because you want to show how stable financially speaking you are because here in Japan, the first thing woman are looking is the job. It’s sad but this is the reality.

If she has a good job, she expect you to have a better job. So if you pay, you’re showing how you are stable and it even makes you look good, actually, very good.

Strangely, many Japanese men ask to share the bills because some simply have no idea but it’s like shooting a bullet in the feet. However, 85% of Japanese men pay the dinner so it’s only a minority.

You need to consider something, the language. Most of foreigner living or traveling to Japan do not speak Japanese. Girls in Japan are surrounded by Japanese men all day long (read: be aware of Japanese girl working for companies) and they both speaks the same language giving you a huge disadvantage which means, you don’t have so much tools in your pocket to impress her except one thing. Your charm !

This my friend, nobody can beat on you if you are a charming person. So don’t ruin your date with a no pay for the dinner 🙂

Dinner with your ex girlfriend:

Oh dear, that’s a complicated one, i have to admit.

The first thing you should question yourself is whether she is there to, MAYBE, go back with you or for a little chat for killing time.

The answer is obvious. If your ex accept to go dinner with you and she shows signs of love or even showing interest to come back together, then, PAY !

As a hint, if you notice she keeps talking about the past with funny and beautiful stories you guys had together before, it COULD be a sign that she still has feeling for you and if that is the case, i strongly recommend you to pay, at least, to show what she is missing, the gentlemen that you are.

Dinner with the princess type:

The princess style. There are two type:

Those found in Roppongi area. We are talking about Chinese girls, Philippa girls and even Japanese girls (dating hunter girls …).

And you have this so gorgeous Japanese girls with type of face you can’t say no. Simply too beautiful ! And this my friend is the most dangerous, be careful. They have eyes like vampire. You get hypnotized by their look.

So, should you pay for the bill or not ?

Yes, if you want to impress and have her in bed tonight. Actually, more you spend on her, more you will have her for the night and probably even after as well. But on the long run, you wont even realized but she will be gone far as soon as your wallet will be empty unless you changed her to another person. I don’t even talk about possible cheating while you are away, please consider.

No, if your money is important and if you are looking for a serious relationship. Just stay away if you seek for the serious stuff.

Final word

Women, not only in Japan, like to be treated like a real woman, like a queen !

If you really like her, be a gentlemen and be yourself. 🙂

Dinner with the confusing one:

This type is not common but trust me, i met some like this.

Finally, you get a date with that beautiful lady.

The quick question you must ask yourself is what are you expecting of that dinner exactly ?

Do you want her to become your girlfriend, maybe just a friend or bring her to your bed for a quick bang bang ? If your answer is everything except something serious than you can skip that topic but if you are heading for your next girlfriend then please read this.

Again, use your James Bond instinct, this is so important if you don’t want to lose your night.

The type of girl here is the one who play with you. She make you think she wants something serious but in reality, she just want a nice dinner at the most expensive restaurant because she can not afford it normally.

If you feel she is using you, just choose a restaurant by yourself such as a cheap 300 Bar (everything at 300 yen, even drinks), 😉

Sadly, if she is that type, she will act very well until she get drunk and show her real intention which is just a pure friendly dinner with good wine and amazing food. Again, the story here is that YOU expect her to become your girlfriend.

As a foreigner, we tend to ask to be polite, “where do you want to go eat”.

Most of girl in Japan don’t like to choose because of culture. Men are normally considered to be higher so they often choose the place and she follow even in a date.

But us, foreigner, we are gentlemen and little bit ignorant about Japanese culture if i will. It takes more than 2 years living in Japan to fully understand each type of person …

Then, when she finally decide which restaurant she wants to go, you realize this is a very expensive and trendy restaurant. Because in Japan, either you go to a Japanese Bar style which is very delicious and not expensive or, you have this very fashion restaurant where all wants to look good to each other. But i have to admit, not all but some of these places have very delicious food. Debate on restaurants is another topic so let’s focus on her choice for now.

You guys go inside and quickly get the menu. This is where everything start.

That situation could become very uncomfortable if you are not sure of her intention.

The best advice i would give is to go slowly, try to make her happy as much as possible while trying to gently see what she is looking for.

Be careful, the bill may reach up to 40 000 Yen (around $450 USD)

If you realize she is using you but it’s too late, you have the choice to get drunk with her and enjoy the moment before she goes away.

Or, for the cheapo, you still can order small dishes and pretend you have an appointment in less than 2 hours so you can not eat too much and have to go soon. That would be your polite gentlemen exit with a cheap billing at least.

If by miracle, she offer to split the bill. My friend, i am telling you, go for it, you found a pearl !!


The French Blogger in Tokyo

I am a blogger. I am full time blogger dedicated to Japanese culture. I like to help people traveling into this amazing country.

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