Fact
Did you know more than 50% of people in Japan are single?
And there are more single women than men!
Yes, being a Japanese woman in this decade is not that easy …
Life style
Japanese Life style is the reason why it’s so difficult to be in relation. Normally, most of men start working right after university or even before because in our culture, work is priority. It is not unsual to start at 7h00 am and finish the day at 11h00 pm. This kind of life which is normal make it very difficult to have time to meet someone in real face to face.
Work is kind of proudness and if you go back in history, men has always been higher than women and as for today, there is not so much change. The way we think is still a little bit old style and it is very difficult for westerners to understand this in my opinion. While men work hard to reach higher rank in companies, women “normally” work for companies, shop, restaurant but rarely become owner or president. Talking about schedule, not so much different for many, still very busy day making difficult to meet.
Regardless of the gender, we tend to stay very strong in community unlike westerners that has shown to be very independent as a person. So if we think, the only place where we can meet would be at work.
Education
Japanese education is very strict and very respectful. Everything we show must look good. We rarely raise voice in public, we never make bad comment to others, we rarely make eyes contact. It sounds strange but this is how we are raised. if we do something that is considered to be rude, that will be very bad worst than you imagine so we always try to be careful at what we do or we say or not say.
When it is about love, we are shy, more than you think. I don’t know any other country where people are that shy. Again, this is how we have been raised. So let say you are my co-worker, “normally” i will not show you directly with obvious signs that i am interested at you. As a woman, i will wait you do the first step, always!
Did you know this is prohibited to become couple with another co-worker working in the same campany? Yes, it is. Of course it is happening but it’s normally hidden. It’s not well seen by others so you can imagine how we have to hide it.
Web vs Night club vs Friends
Well, this is the big difference. In western countries, people go to night club to meet someone or get introduced by a friend. Work schedule are different as well, westerners have more time to enjoy life at evening and weekend, more vacation too. And more open mind, less shy.
Japanese is totally oposite, going to clubs does not work so much for a serious relationship. Meeting someone from a friend sometime work but not always. At least, thanks to the many festivals we have such as the Hanami (花見, cherry blossom viewing party) where we can be introduced by friends to other friends or even dinner event with co-worker at friday night …
I forgot to mention it but i often went to matchmaking parties which is common in Japan. It works more than going to night club obviously but i felt it was very quick and maybe to fast to discover the real personality of the person front of me.
And then, we finally all end up on the web. Dating website or any kind of site where we can meet people. Why? Because this is the perfect place to be. As a shy and busy person, we can contact much easily and choose who we speak to and we can reply to a message when we can, no pressure.
Imagine i meet a man in real today, in the first batch of questions i will ask will be “May i ask what is your job?”. If his job is too low for my expectation then i might dump him even before the end of the meeting.
On the web, we know the job status before we start messaging each other. This is just a simple exemple among many. And, because we all think the same way, it seems the web is more casual for all of us.
So you ask where do we meet normally for serious purpose, the answer is mostly from the web. The reason why i like to use the site here, “TrueLoveJapan.com” is because the system is exactly the way we, Japanese, think in daily life. We will never meet someone on the first day and we do not like agressive people. The site here makes the communication process just perfect and gentle.
Conclusion
Most of Japanese are looking for a serious relationship and in these days, it is not easy to find free time to meet someone. With an abundance of singles women, it is even more difficult to find a single man willing to start a family without affecting the work. Turning to the web helped me very much to compete with these real life issues and everything become more secure recently, even safer than meeting in real so why not!
I met a woman recently when traveling in Japan and we managed to exchange some contact information. I’ve kept in touch since even with the time difference (USA). Its funny, one of the few things she asked me was what I do. She is a teacher at a University and I am in IT. Is IT considered a low position? Granted, I’m not a lower-level helpdesk technician but I’m also not In management yet. In any case, while we do get to talk, I am starting to get the feeling that she is continuing the conversation only out of politeness. Normally, when someone is interested in you they ask you questions about you. I get little if any of that, while I am the one asking about music, cooking, how was your day, etc. I should take into account that English is the only common language and my Japanese is beginner-level, so that is probably a major factor. But I can’t tell if its just shyness overall. Maybe I am overthinking things but I would appreciate your feedback.
Hello Kristian Chan
Thank you for your story, very interesting !
In Japan, IT is considered very high is you work for bank and “good” (not highest) if you work for normal company. It’s all about who you are working for, not only your title.
Please, do not forget Japanese are more shy than you think.
Another thing you should consider is most of women in Japan are follower, not leader so when you expect her to ask question, she might expect you to become a host in the conversation instead. I am not sure if you understand what i mean but if she still communication with you, it means there is a interest.
Yes, as you mention, language is a issue. Maybe she does not understand everything so maybe go slowly with her and use more basic english to help.
If you ask for my advice, with what you say, i strongly believe she is interested but language is the problem here. So just use more basic sentences and see if she change. I am sure you will see a difference very quick.
I work in japanese company, so sometime I met japanese men from head office when they visited my country. We are flirting each other while we are here, like he asking me “are you tired while his hand above my head”. Even at my country it’s not common gesture, if you are not family member, close friend or lover you are not suppos to touch other person (esp oposite sex) head.
I keep in touch with him after he going back to japan, not daily but a months if there’s work related issue, i never ask personal matter because I know it’s too private for japanese. Also I know that he work until 11 pm, I dont want to disturb him. But during some of those the chat, he said that ” I want to meet you” or “I really want to meet you”, “we can see each other” also recently “I miss you!!!!”. Do you think he has interest in me or just want to be polite with me to maintain the comunication? I don’t want to take this as serious yet, but Is it oke if I’m starting to chat about personal outside of work related? Or he will think that I’m too agresive acording japanese standard?
Hello Hania
Thank you for sharing your story.
That is a very interesting question i have to admit
Let me explain you something Hania
Japanese are very very shy
But, when it’s about company, things change drastically.
Most of Japanese work for companies, it means, almost everything is done at work.
Friends, lover, dinner, work …
Because work schedule are very long day in Japan, Japanese tend to feel more comfortable and open mind at work.
In your case, it’s obvious he has interest about you.
One thing you need to know, this is my opinion but i have proof of what i say
The way he act with you shows to me that he is kind of playboy guy
Sorry, i do not judge.
What i mean by that is normally men are shy and it can take forever until they show emotion.
If the guy act such as he does with you, it could be he is already married and he want a girlfriend on the side with you or he is not shy at all which i doubt.
So the answer is complicated because you did not mention how you guys met and since how long time you know each other but from your details, yes he wants more from you, not just a cup of tea …
Because you keep your distance he will keep insisting little by little, that’s why he reached the point to say “i miss you”.
If you are interested too, you can accept a dinner with him but it will end up to a kiss for sure.
If you just want friendship, all you have to do is to keep your distance.
Normally, japanese with the status “single” are very shy and they rarely go straight to the point like he is doing so just make sure you are OK with the situation.
I hope my advice could help you.
Hi,
I met a japanese guy recently through a dating apps. He’s a foreigner working in my country and we met up immediately after we started talking to each other via message. He told me that he really like me right after the first date and already told me that he “love me” after a few more dates and asked me to be his GF and be in an exclusive relationship. We normally say we like a person we just met not love, so i find it very unusual. I heard that japanese guys are shy with women but he might be different as due to work he has been posted to a few countries therefore has more exposure? He is shy in certain ways like he’s not very comfortable with long eye contact and such. He’s also very courteous and conservative on certain views between men and women. I like this guy and would like to consider having a relationship with him. But because of the difference in culture and how dating normally works, i think this is quite fast and wondering if this could be normal for japanese guy?